I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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