This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
