Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
