the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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