Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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