there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
