you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
