I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
