Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
