508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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