You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
