You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
