Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
