Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
