The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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