Who wears a wallet chain?!
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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