She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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