Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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