I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
