I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
