Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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