do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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