moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
