If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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