I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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