OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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