So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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