Can Purell be used as lube?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
