make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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