Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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