Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
