I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
