We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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