I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
