I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
