So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
