I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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