I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
