ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
