WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Randomize
