My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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