For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
no you cant smoke seaweed
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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