he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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