omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
