You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
