hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize