am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We left the knife in your bed.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
