why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
