spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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