She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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