that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
