Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize