Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
