okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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