sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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