So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
