i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I could make wine with my vomit
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
