He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
