Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
