the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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