Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
