I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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