Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
