this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
