I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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