I can't breathe out the right side of my face
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
