how can u be prego again
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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