So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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