All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
