piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
