There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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