I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
