Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize