dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
