no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
