if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
