remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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