So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize