Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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