I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
