I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Text me some of your sweat
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
