I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
