my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
