Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Randomize
