i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
