It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We are two peas in an std pod
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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