And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
