I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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