Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
