Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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