her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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