And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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