How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
