she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
