how can u be prego again
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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