Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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