If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
