Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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