I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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