I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
