it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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