were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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