so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
