I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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